Thursday, May 9, 2019

The "A" is not for "Ally".

We're not Trans.  We have never been subject to the stigma that people in the trans community face.  We have not suffered their burdens, faced the prejudices they have faced, or endured the cruelty that they have.

We are also not cis.  Not really.  Because we know what it is like to not feel comfortable in our skin.  We have endured the depression, the headaches, the feeling of being an alien in our own body.  This doesn't mean we 'know what it means to be trans' - we don't, and we won't ever say we will.  We just know what it means to be different.  It's the difference between putting a toe in the water, and being pushed in.

Our sister, by far, provides us the most insight.  She has dealt with depression, of hating her body, her voice, her look.  Of feeling like there's something wrong with her, and not being able to change it.  She would love the opportunity to transition - but it isn't happening - because she can't decide for the rest of us.  She suffers dysphoria when she sees herself - she avoids looking into mirrors if she can help it - and if she's playing a video game, she needs a female avatar to represent her or she suffers dissonance.

Some of us feel uncomfortable with the colour of our skin.  This doesn't mean we 'know what it means to be (colour)' - not by a long shot.  And while we don't identify as 'white' - it means nothing in any real sense.  We still get the priveledge of being white and male because that's what people see.  We can be empathic to people of colour, we can identify with people of colour, but that doesn't mean we are people of colour.  And yes, this means there's a difference between identifying as a woman, and identifying as a person of colour.

Finally, some of us aren't human.  Yes, we have a human body.  We are exposed to humanity on a daily basis, but that doesn't make us human.  You don't see us, because we don't present ourselves in public - for obvious reasons.  What do you do with something that doesn't speak except for in noises, and has almost no motor skills?  What about one that is more like an animal than a person?  One that is more noise and flailing and screeching?  Or how about one that exists in a state of music?

What does this make us, as a whole?  Well, as a group we don't fit into any convenient label.  Some of us are straight, some of us are bi.  Some of us are male, some of us are female, some of us really don't qualify.  Some of us are white, some of us are not.  Some of us are human, some of us are not.

The only true benefit of this existence, honestly, is empathy.  It allows us to look at others, and say 'they are like us' - We see ourselves in the world around us, even if we can't be like them, and as such we feel responsible for caring for those we see.  The LGBT+ community doesn't need a letter for those like us.  We don't need to be 'represented' as our own being there - but we can still be an ally, because we dip our toe in the water - and never have to worry about being pushed in.

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