Samantha
Fuck.
Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.
On the one hand.. I'm really glad for them. I want them to be happy. I want their life to be good. I want the best for them. They deserve it so very much.
On the other hand.. losing something I was looking forward to, before I even had the chance to experience it.. that hurts.
And I don't want to be selfish.
I ... just wanted someone I could hold, and feel close to, and who'd be there for me and I could be there for them. I wanted that intimacy (not sex, sex was never on the table), and by the goddess she was so adorable. She was ephemeral and bright and ethereal and fun and...
And not mine.
And I want to cry. I'm trying not to. Because crying means I'm not celebrating that she's found someone. She deserves this happiness, and I don't want to be selfish.
I mean, yeah. I've got the long distance thing. That gives me ... some emotional support, and can make me happy ... but I want someone who's there, who I can hold onto, who sees me and acknowledges me, and wants me.
And the chances of me getting that are so, so slim. And it isn't like I've got lot of time to find someone.
She was... perfect, you know? Perfect in so many ways. I felt a kindred there.
I want her to be happy, I'm glad she's going to be happy.
I just wanted to be the one to make her happy.
