Monday, March 4, 2013

Random Meanderings

Samantha here,
I sent an e-mail to the Shinto priest a few days ago, and poured my heart out to him.  I told him about my fears, and how I was worried about myself, what I was, and what might happen to me.  He seemed to be quite understanding, and told me that - as a conscious entity, Shinto accepted me as an individual, with all the spiritual rights of anyone else.  That, when I died, I would join the kami and be among them.

This made me smile.. and I told him that I would be picking up a bottle of Sortilege to give to Ame no Uzume no Mikoto as a gift.  I think she's probably never had maple brandy before, so it should be extra special.  :>  He thanked me for the kind words, and seems to be looking forward to it.

I feel really good!

Shawn:  I'm being asked to write my mind.  I don't really have anything to talk about - I'm not heavy into the whole philosophy and religion stuff, and I don't think about the afterlife and what happens after we die.  None of this is really interesting.  I spend my time sitting back and watching the world, and making comments about it when it suits me.  In general, my view is this:  people suck, the world sucks, you suck, I suck.  What I'm interested in is seeing how people deal with their lives.  Will they stand up and do what needs to be done, or will they collapse and wimp out?  Will they accept their losses and try again, or will they whine and bitch and give up?  The former, I'm willing to give some respect to.  The latter can go fuck themselves.  I've seen Kit listen to people complain and mope, and he's offered perfectly good advice on what's wrong and how to fix it, only to have the person whine and bitch more and not do anything to change their status.  I'm not even talking about hard stuff, I'm talking about people with perfectly solvable problems, who are too lazy or too set in their ways to try anything out.  Drives me bloody nuts, and if I'm given the chance, I'll tear a strip off them for their troubles.

Even Cat gets under my skin.  Kit'll offer a perfectly reasonable suggestion for a course of action, and she'll hem and haw and hesitate, even though it doesn't cost her anything to act.  Yesterday we were going out to see a flick, and she wanted breakfast.  Because our mother doesn't want to do a lot of walking, we had the suggestion of eating local.  But she fixated on "I'll go off and go get food, while you wait in the theatre", and completely ignored that, oh, hey, perhaps other people might want to eat, too!  After milling around, the group decided to go to the place kitty-corner to the theatre.  Then she fussed on whether or not they served breakfast, but was reluctant to actually ask and see if they did - when it was pointed out it won't cost to ask them if they did.  That kind of thing annoys me.  If you've got the tools, use them.  If you don't know what's up, you ask someone who can tell you.  You don't fuss, you don't hesitate, you don't hem and haw, you just do it.  A minute of your life to be informed isn't going to kill you.

Kit of course has his own issues, don't get me wrong.  The guy's got fixation problems.  He'll hone in on an interest with laser sharp focus, then obsess over it for a period of time, then get bored and dump it.  Some things last longer than others - if they have simple rotes he'll do them out of habit.  The guy just doesn't have the focus to finish anything though, and it requires a lot of effort to push him forward to get things done.  And then there's his spending habits, which need a bit of work as well, he'll waste money he doesn't have, justifying it as 'just a little bit', even though the money could be better spent on groceries or on bills.  The guy really needs to look ahead and save up.  And he knows it too - we tell him often enough.

Heh.  And he didn't like me mentioning that little bit.  He's not comfortable when his dirt's laid out for others to see.  Too bad.  I was told to write, so whatever.  Anyway, it's bed time soon, so I'll just wrap things up here.  I bet they'll think twice before letting me speak my mind here again.

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Spiritual Journey

Samantha here,
Mm, I tried writing something, but I didn't like how it sounded.  I'm kinda not in the writing mood, but I did want to say my thoughts on a matter.  So I deleted the whole thing, to start over.

Kit's registered with a Shinto shrine.. specifically, the one in Seattle that's got a shrine to Ame no Uzume no Mikoto.. the goddess of the dawn and celebration.  Kinda a funny story here.. my friend Paul was running a Scion game - this is a game where you play the offspring of gods.  I decided to make a daughter of Ame no Uzume.. who takes her role as a shrine maiden / priestess of her mother quite seriously (and is also a doctor, but that's not entirely relevant to this story).  Paul set his game in Seattle, because he kinda likes the place, and I thought that was cool.  Then I found out there's a Shinto shrine just north of Seattle.  Then I find out it's a shrine to Ame no Uzume. Then I found out she was, essentially, the first shrine maiden.  Isn't that cool?

Anyway.. after all that, I've felt a bond with Ame no Uzume no Mikoto.  I want to go to Seattle, and I want to kneel in front of her shrine, and pray to her.  I want to feel.. something.. a part of something.  Kit's now an actual, official Shinto follower, and I want to be too.  He's hoping to visit Seattle - and I've been pushing for that extra hard.  I want to go there, I want to talk with the high priest .. he seems an awesome fellow.. and I want to see if there's anything he can do for me.

And I want a shrine to Ame no Uzume to bring home, so I can talk with her, too.  And hopefully, I can be enshrined myself.. not as a part of Kit, but as me, myself.  It feels important.

Kit had an argument with mom about this kind of thing, actually.  She doesn't understand, and Kit couldn't really tell her that a part of it is my needs, either.  She doesn't understand what I go through, and the doubts and the worries I experience.  Kit's got a bit of a worry about his impending mortality, but it's worse for me.. what happens to me, to Legion, to my brothers and my sister when he dies?

It's something I'm not comfortable with.. and I'm hoping, maybe, somehow, visiting the shrine and talking with the high priest, may give me some answers.. let's hope, right?

Yeah, I think this sounds a lot better than what I was saying before.

Mark:  This isn't something I've really thought about myself.  I'm not a spiritual person, not like Kit, who takes religion Very Seriously, or Samantha, who feels aimless and needs some sort of assurance that she's not doomed to simply vanishing upon death.  In some ways, I find the concept of death as something that I may welcome - a release from my duties, you might say.  At death, I'm free.  Will I have an afterlife?  Will I simply cease to be?  I don't know, and it doesn't bother me that much.  Do I get upset when someone I care for passes?  No, strangely enough, I don't.  I mean Chris was broken up when Minou died, he gets upset when a family member dies, and he still is sad about the loss of Kitty, and Samantha was upset herself, and gets scared and antsy any time there's a death, and the loss of Minou caused Daryl to completely lose his shit, but I don't really feel these things.  Death isn't something I'm worried about.  I don't know why, but there you have it.  I guess, perhaps, because I don't get much of a sense of living, I'm in a waiting state of sorts, so perhaps that's what it is.  I don't have, I feel, much to lose in death, because there's not much that I have gained.  When I die, those who know me may be upset, but I think it will be upset at the total loss, not of me, myself.  After all, when Chris dies, so does Legion.  And I think most people will be more in mourning about losing Chris, than of Samantha, or Daryl, or myself.  This is worse for some of the others, because they don't have the connections that Chris or Samantha has - who will mourn Bard?  Or Dark?  Shawn, or Sonic?  Guardian, or Claudia?  We exist, some stronger than others, but there will not really be anyone to mourn us, because nobody truly tried to get to know us as individuals.  Instead, it was more a matter of knowing Chris, then knowing us through him.  And I'm willing to accept that.  When the time comes, I will go, and that will be it.  I don't see a reason to fear death.  I have so little to lose.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

A Loss In The Family

Samantha:  It's often hard for us.. we react in a variety of ways to certain pressures, and a death in the family is perhaps one of the hardest things for us to deal with.  Today, we had to put one of our cats to sleep.  Minou had been wasting away - and at an alarming rate in more recent weeks, and we tried everything we could to look after her, but there wasn't anything more we could do.

We never deal with death well.  It is a rather horrific experience for us, because as a group, we have our own doubts and fears about death.  So, each time it happens, there's a strange mix of reactions, and who gets the most public reaction depends on what the conditions are.  At our grandfather's funeral, things were subdued, at our great grandmother's funeral, there were hysterics, and this was no different.

We'd prepared ourselves as best we could over the last week, knowing that she wasn't healthy, and that she wasn't going to get better - it was more about how long we could stave off the inevitable.  Unfortunately, while we had hoped for 'weeks' or 'months' , we got 'days'.

The hardest hit was our little brother, Daryl.  We had tried our best to look after Minou and make her feel as comfortable as we could the last few days, giving her extra cuddles, holding her in our arms, and letting her sleep with us in bed when she was inclined to.  Today had been a good day for her - she was energetic, she drank her water, and she was extra affectionate.  This, of course, made the finale a lot harder for us, because she looked like she could have gotten better.. though her weight said otherwise.  She'd gone from 3.2 kg to 2.7, and she would only lose more weight if we delayed - she was already skin and bones..

When we made the decision, we were bracing for it.. but we should have looked away.  When they put the syringe into her, Daryl screamed at us.. you're killing her! and we couldn't take it.  Kit felt extra guilty at that point, and we just broke down.  He still hears that now, from time to time, and it's very hard on him.  And then of course, there's the memories, and wishing there had been more time.

No.  We don't take this very well at all.. and we're not looking forward to having to do this again in the future.  This time however, I have to say, was better than before.  The staff were understanding.  They took their time with us.  They talked with us when we needed to make the hard decisions, and they gave us space when we needed our privacy to grieve.  They gave us options, unlike the staff with Kitty, and this helped, I think.  We're getting Minou's cremains brought home, and we have a special place for them.

Kit joked that it is almost Shinto, keeping her ashes in a small box on his desk.  I joked to him that we could get a shrine ordered, and keep her with the shrine - but maybe it isn't so much of a joke after all.  She's with the kami now, isn't she?

Friday, June 29, 2012

New Relationship Energy

Samantha
It has been a while, hasn't it?  There's a lot I could talk about but I thought it would be best to talk about this specifically.  It might seem a little disjointed, but my feelings are all over the place and I'm not entirely certain how to describe what's going on.

Last month, we went to a convention.. it was the first furry convention we'd been to in over a decade.  It was a pleasant experience overall, no question there.  But at the convention, I met someone who I found myself attracted to.  Now, I may be an incredible flirt online, but Real Life is something else entirely.  Still, I was interested, and they accepted (mostly) my interest and returned it.

After we got home, I talked with them a little online, and we became (kind of) a couple.  This is good and all, and she showed up two weeks later to hang out with me for a little while.  She lives in another city, so our visits are going to be infrequent - but they're close enough that I'm reasonably happy.

The thing is.. having a relationship where I get to hang out with the person in person has made me acutely aware of my limitations.  Physical limitations.  Social limitations.  I'm physically not who I want to be, and currently I'm .. very unhappy with myself.  I have to share space with the rest of Legion, and then there's Kit's relationship with Cat, with the obligations which that warrants.

Tonight, she's visiting, and we had a bit of a talk about this.  She has someone who she has a deep interest in, but who isn't accepting a partner.  However, they hit it off very well, and I came up as part of the conversation (there's a lot of backstory here which we're not gonna talk about because it's private - just accept that (1) there's someone else, (2) there's a strong connection between these two people, (3) I'm okay with it).  This woman mentioned she didn't think my girlfriend should have me as a girlfriend - because she thinks my girlfriend deserves a whole partner.

I'd be more upset, except that I understand.. and agree.  It's the same with Scott.  When I heard a girl was interested in Scott, I accepted this and wished him the best with it - because I feel he deserves someone who can be there for him, all the time.

Don't kid yourself.  I am upset.  In the 'I am doing my damndest not to cry' level.  During our discussion tonight, I forced myself not to cry, and also forced myself to stay up and not let someone else take over so I could just go down and sleep.

The thing is, I can understand all of this.  I don't have to like it, but.. really, I'm aware of my limitations, and what I can and can't offer.  She understands too, and she told me that, while she accepts the advice that was given to her, she's willing to 'wait and see'.  I'm glad for that.. I hope things can work for us, in spite of the limits that exist.

I don't know.. I want to make her happy.. but I know there's things missing.  Hell, just being in this relationship has made me acutely aware of my physical flaws.. I'm afraid to take off my shirt around her, because seriously, who wants to look at my chest?  I mean, I guess I can see what Cat sees in Kit.. but the best I can say is 'he's okay for a guy'.  But for me?  I feel.. hideous..

The best I can do is suck it back and not let it bother me overly long.  Focus specifically on my ideal self, and try to make due.  Because, really.. that's all I have to work with.

Wish me luck.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

A Guild Leader's Journey In World of WarCraft

Samantha: Livejournal's being a bitch, so I decided I'm gonna post here instead. Not LJ's fault, they're under a DDoS attack from Russia.

Begin Report

I was invited to try out the new free World of WarCraft game, and recently I wanted to give WoW a fair shake for comparison to Guild Wars. The trial version of WoW allows you to go up to level 20, and while you can't trade with anyone, you do get to look at a number of different aspects of WoW, and the trial lets you get a feel for the game. So, where to start?

In Guild Wars, my preferred class is Necromancer, because I like dropping afflictions and curses on my enemies, weakening them so that my team mates / heroes / minions can finish them off. I made a blood elf (blood elves are cool), and decided to go with warlock. The warlock seems to have a few damage over time effects, and a lovely life-draining spell which recovers your health as you keep pressuring your opponent. It gets a summoned minion (an extra warm body is always good), and I wanted to eventually get the succubus (because I'm a pervert). ;> Unfortunately, the succubus doesn't show until level 20, so I got it at 'end game', and haven't had a chance to use it yet.

My tactics while playing consisted of using a DoT burn spell, which had a bit of a casting build-up (2 seconds), followed by two quick DoTs, followed by the life drain spell. As soon as my fire spell hit, my minion would run towards the enemy (who was in the process of charging me), and would body block, turning the creature's aggression against it, while I continued to lay down the other curses, then start life draining. This tactic turned out to work pretty well, I didn't bother with any other combat spells during play. I think this was a carry over from GW - I picked out my three or four spells that suited what I wanted to do, made an optomised 4-5 skill build, and went with it. If I'd found anything else which intrigued me, I'd pull out some skills to replace, rather than expand my skill bar further. There were some utility skills which came up, I put those in a second bar and ignored them except when out-of-combat (recover mana by sacrificing health being the big one). I did the majority of the game solo, dying four times in the process, until I hit level 20 (today).


So, here's what I've seen..


Character Customization
GW: Hair style (8+ picks), Hair colour (8+ picks), facial build (12+ picks), skin tone (12 picks), height, beginning colour for clothing.
WoW: Hair style (8 picks?), Hair colour (8+ picks?), facial build (6+ picks?), skin tone (4-5 picks?), jewellery (ear-rings for the blood elf).
I noticed that 'ethnic' is a racial trait, rather than anything else. The colour selections are limited, and there's just some that aren't allowed at al (want to make an ethnic human, you'll most likely be disappointed). I'm still wondering if I should be offended somewhat at the stereotypes in some cases, I'm not certain. I think a recent look at a D&D module made me sensitive to this. I'd sat down with Cat and talked about some of this not too long ago, and we discussed whether or not the humans should have been 'primitive', and allowed some other race to be in a more dominant position, or whether or not there should be different ethnicities of each of the races, perhaps. Kit mentioned that WoW was started as a sort of 'generic fantasy' way back with the WarCraft game, and that this set the bar to follow, so there was no point in changing the setting.

Clothing is a lot more limited in WoW than GW. In GW, armour value is not connected to armour look, just class. Each of the campaigns allows you a method to get the best armour in the game fairly quickly (In Prophesies, you can get someone to short-cut you about 1/3rd of the way in, in Factions, you get it about 1/3rd of the way in, and in Nightfall you can get it almost out of the gate with some help). Because of how Guild Wars plays, this isn't a game breaker, and after a certain point you are picking your armour for look, rather than function. Some people even make different suits for different builds (an advanced style of game play I don't actually do myself, since I tend to like very specific builds, and play with them for months on end or more). Dyes play a big part in Guild Wars, allowing you to blend up to four colours at once for each of the five clothing slots (face, chest, waist/legs, legs/feet, arms), and you can mix-and-match armour types for the kind of look you want.

In WoW, there's no dying, and clothing is mostly a case of 'this is better than what I had before, I'll wear it to save my bacon'. As you play, your clothing evolves, and people can more or less tell where you are in the game by what you're wearing (or how lucky you were with some drops). Basically, everyone of the same profession is going to be wearing the same stuff at approximately the same point in time, and there's sort of an itch to 'get to the top', working your way through the different outfits until you get to the top of your profession. There's really no customizing here. Guild Wars wins here.

My one big complaint however is the disparity in appearance between males and females. Male orcs are huge stocky brutes. Female orcs look actually pretty sexy. Male humans are large and muscled, while females are more slender. Male trolls are big and ugly, female trolls are tall and slim. Basically, the females of any given race are designed to be 'attractive', while the males are generally designed to be 'powerful'. This sucks.


Skills
GW: When in town, you can pick from your allotment of skills, and select which eight you want to use. Some of these have synergy with each other, and you have two professions to choose from when it comes to skills. Any skill you want is probably available, either from buying from a vendor, or from stealing it from a boss of the proper profession. If you shelled out the $8-$12 for an unlock pack, a whole bunch of skills are available at the proper vendor, and you can just shell out the in-game coin to get what you want. The cost of skills slowly increases, but caps out at 1000 gold (1 platinum). By the time you're in mid-game, you should have all the skills you want on your build, except for perhaps a rare skill (which you can unlock), or an elite skill (which you have to hunt for). Specific builds can be saved, for quick access, and you can tailor your attribute points at the same time, allowing you to optomise your build for where you're going.


WoW: Anywhere you are, you can customise your build. Throw some skills in, pull some out, and arrainge them as you wish. Some skills have synergy with each other, but you've only the one profession to choose from. You need to reach a certain level to get the skills you want, which you buy from a trainer. The skills improve gradually (no attribute points, like in GW). Getting the build you want takes time and effort, basically, you need to get to the proper level to get the skill you want. Costs for skills increase over time, and I've yet to see a ceiling on these - but them I was still in the 'early' game. There's no attribute points, but there are traits, which are available at level 10 and up, which are used to design a build - allowing you to focus on a specific aspect of your profession. This is similar to selecting the skill build in GW (you want to be a minion master? Choose minion skills. Want to be tank? Choose tank skills.) Your role here is a blend of the traits you picked, and the skills you're using the most.

In my case, I chose demonology, which augments my minion. My minion heals from the damage I inflict on monsters, I got a special bonus minion (who was pretty kick ass), and eventually my mana cost and summoning time for calling minions decreased. The thing is, you get one trait point every odd level, and you get to buy your bonus skills every even level (with one notable skip at level 16, I think). Traits are locked in, unless you go to a trainer to 're-spec', and some traits are locked until you've alloted a certain number of trait points at lower level. This is different than GW, where you get attribute points every level, and can re-spec any time you're in town. There's nothing 'locked', attribute-point wise, and the more you put into one attribute, the stronger your skills for that attribute become.

I don't know how I feel about this. On one hand, I like Guild Wars for getting me all the skills up front, so I can make the character I want to play. I like that nothing's really 'locked' - if you have access to the skill, you have it at level 1. In fact, any skill unlocked by one character on your account unlocks for all your characters. On the other hand, I like traits. I don't like that they're restricted by level (even if you have spare trait points, some are just off limits until you've pumped so many in). If all traits were unlocked, and you just assigned based on the build you wanted, that would be much superior. Basically, for me it would be optimum if you got access to all skills at the beginning, letting you make the build you want, while you got so many trait points (one every other level is fine), which you can assign to any trait you wish. This would allow for more flexible build making. I'd also make it so traits don't need to be unlocked by a teacher - if you're in a 'rest' place (some buildings count as rest zones), your traits free up and you can assign as you wish.


Fights
GW: Auto-facing is the bomb. You select your opponent, and your character will immediately close to combat distance (which depends on weapon range), and begin attacking. If your opponent moves or circles, you'll turn to face them, making sure they're always in your field of fire. A few spells have 'out of range', but most will attempt to get you to close the gap. You can select an opponent and choose not to close, waiting for them to come into range before you attack - and that's handy too. The thing that's bad though is that if a monster runs away, you'll chase after it - sometimes this is good, but it can suck for ranged characters who get dragged into range of other opponents. Basically the system here has its good points and bad points.


Boss fights are pretty straightforward. Bosses are a bit stronger, a bit faster, and usually have access to an elite skill. They're usually flanked by 3-4 normal minions, but overall it isn't too bad. If you're smart, you can take down a boss solo, and if you've got the right build it might not even be hard. Bosses are considered part of the environment for the most part, very few are special, and may represent tribal chiefs or exemplars of a specific race. There's a few who are out there for a special purpose, like one undead dragon I've seen, but those ones are rare, and often have a plethora of minions on top of their own presence. There's a few regions which require special preparation to go into, and are considered rather difficult. All in all, however, any specific creature can be taken down in a 1-on-1 if you're savvy, have the right build, and know what you're doing.

WoW: No auto-facing. That pisses me off. There's also no 'close the distance' automatic technique either. If you select your opponent and they're not in range, you have to run over to them and try again. If they change out of your facing, you're going to need to turn to face them to continue. Most opponents are one-on-one, it was rare for me to run into a group of 2-3 or more at a time (though sometimes one would wander in while I was occupied, and at worse two would show up). In general, I prefer Guild Wars over WoW here. I'd like auto-facing, and auto-close, but I don't want to automatically chase after someone who runs away. Running away in WoW is not an option. I've tried to run a few times, and it has resulted in death. Your enemies are just as fast, if not a little faster, and there's no escape once you've committed as far as I can see.

Boss fights. I've had a few. There's some sort of mid-bosses which I've encountered and taken down (and I got the quest to take one down after I killed him, which just annoyed me to no end), and then there's the proper 'boss fight', which kicked my ass when I tried it. The boss in question was huge, and I got him down to half-health before he killed me. These bosses are intended for group play, meaning you need a team to take them down. That annoys me, since I like the idea of being able to play a game solo if I so desire. I've heard this can get much worse in later areas, and that's a proper turn-off for me.


Death
GW: In Guild Wars, when you die you wind up at the closest shrine you've visited. You wake up there, with a death penalty - a % penalty to your Energy and Health. As you kill things, this penalty gets whittled away down to nothing. Multiple deaths result in a larger penalty, up to a maximum of 60%. There's various items and consumables which can get rid of this, allowing you to mitigate the penalty a lot quicker. Low level DP isn't too bad, but high level DP can be crippling - you're fighting opponents at less than half your capability, and have to be careful. Honestly? I hate DP. (GW2 is going to be much better, having removed DP entirely).


WoW: In WoW, when you die, you wake up in a graveyard. You can talk to an angelic figure there, who will rez you immediately, at the cost of your gear being somewhat damaged. Or, instead, you can run back to your body, which prevents your gear from being screwed over. The landscape looks pretty cool actually, all misty white and pale, and there's no monsters in the dead world. When you get to your body, you can pop into the world once more, and are allowed some leeway - you don't have to be right on top of your corpse, you can be a bit away from the fight you were in (thus preventing annoying aggro). The downside comes from how far you may have to run. When I died the first time it was a bit of a hike to get to my corpse, and when I died again, I said 'fuck it'.

In some ways, I prefer WoW here. The choice of either going to your corpse or having it brought to you is nice. The trip to your body (or where you were if you bring your body to you) is annoying. I think having 'rez shrines' is good in GW, you're usually not too far from where you dropped, meaning less of a journey to get back into the action. In group play, you don't go to the rez shrine until everyone's died in Guild Wars, which can be a pain if the last player's finished off the mob, but doesn't have any method of resurrection (though if you zone, everyone comes back to life).


Travel
GW: Guild Wars is divided into zones. Each zone is a unique instance, and you have a 'reset' between zones (resurrecting dead people, and turning off all skills). When you get to a town or location, it becomes part of your map, allowing you to teleport to it at any time from any other location. So, you run through two or three instances, get to a town, and if you need to hit an instance, you can teleport to the closest town to do so. This makes travel quick and easy for the most part, and cuts down on a lot of 'getting around' when you know where you want to go. While you're in an instance, anything you kill stays dead, and you can even be rewarded for killing everything in an instance (in hard mode - this is called vanquishing).


WoW: Instance? What the hell is an instance? The map is one huge sprawl, divided into regions in name only. This means you know where you are, but you move seamlessly from one location to the next. All instances are shared, so you'll eventually see one or more people wandering around. Monsters respawn, meaning if you've killed a bunch of things, passing through later you might have to fight them again - which can be annoying. A few times I've gone, "hey, I cleared this area!" as a mob descended on me, and I've even had monsters respawn adjacent to me, triggering an impromptu battle when I wanted to rest. Towns and such are part of the setting, and aren't instanced, and there's no map travel. To get to some locations requires paying for transport (which, admittedly, is kind of fun), or using a mount for faster overland travel (which I didn't get until level 20, so I've not tried this out). In some cases I've had to run across the map for 10 to 15 minutes to get to some remote quest which was near a town I knew - because I had no means of getting transport to anyplace near the location. Basically, you'll be doing a lot of running around and a lot of fighting weenie monsters on the way. Time consuming.

Basically, my preference is in the middle ground. I like the huge, sprawling instances. It makes things flow nicer. I like that towns are part of this as well. These are all good things. I do not like respawning mobs, however. I also don't like having a lack of map-travel. The thing is, this is a case of either-or, you can't have it both ways. Either locations are instanced, allowing mobs to 'reset' when you've left one instance for another, or you have to have respawns. Still, WoW would be better served for map travel - you've been to town X? You can get there instantly. The overland flight things can be reserved for going from 'big town' to 'little town', allowing for a more refined approach. Teleport to key location X, and then fly to sub-location Y. There is a hearth stone, which allows you to teleport to a resting place you've designated, but you can only mark one place, and it has a 30 minute recharge.


Crafting
GW: You bring the materials to a crafter, the crafter gives you what he makes. You can either buy the materials, or salvage them from goods. Some elite items require a very, very rare salvage. Some items are expensive, requiring tens of thousands of gold to make, plus a bunch of very rare items you have to buy or hunt for. The cost can hit well over one million gold. The thing is, all these expensive things? Vanity items. No actual impact on the game, just makes you look cool. The exception are consumables, there's a few specific, useful ones for PvE, which require some semi-rare materials.


WoW: I took herbalism / alchemy. I'm still absolutely lost on this and what I can do with it. The process, so far, has been frustrating. No detailed information for you here.


Questing
GW: Quests are usually straightforward. Go here, talk to this person. Get quest. Go to location and beat up monsters, come back and talk to person. Or, deliver item X to person Y in yonder town. Usually it is 'go from A to B'. These are split up by missions, which are story-related and move the plot forward. In a number of cases, when you do a mission, it wraps up with you in the next outpost, allowing you to skip a lot of overland travel. Quests give XP, and missions give a lot of XP, and a chance to capture elite skills from bosses. In some cases, the bosses give an elite drop - a green item which has "perfect" traits. (maximum damage, and any sub-properties are maximum too). Of course, you can usually build items with perfect traits by salvaging the traits from one item to put into another, so this is mostly just a short-cut, or gives you a nice skin for your weapon. Very few quests in GW involve 'go kill X number of things'.


WoW: Son of a Bitch! Most of the quests in WoW are 'go kill X number of these items, and collect Y number of these objects from their corpses'. These quests are scattered all across the globe, making you have to hike to get things done. In addition, the number of quests you'll gather all at once can be staggering - I had about 20 all lined up at one point, with more and more becoming available. I had to go deliberately clean out my quest cache and get the rewards before dropping in another 3-4. The 'kill 10 rats' sort of quests got annoying, since you'd clear an area, and then wait for the respawn to do it all again. The fetching items was annoying because you weren't always given that the monster you killed would hand it over. I also had mixed feelings about the story progression quests. These quests basically sent you out to explore a region, usually to meet someone. You'd meet the person, get your reward, and then they'd send you out a bit further. As you go through these, you wind up farther and farther from 'home', exploring out as you begin ranging far and wide. Of course, if you've got unfinished business back home, you have to run your ass back and forth between these locations, not knowing when you'll be finished any particular zone. There's little way to know if you're doing a basic 'local' quest or if you're expanding out towards a new region.

Generally, I prefer GW's way of doing this. Because of Instances, you'll know if you're heading out far and wide, and with mapping you can get around pretty quick. Missions further the plot, so you don't need to do those until you're ready for the next zone. Do all the local quests, get your XPs and gold, and when nothing new's available, take the mission and head off to the next zone.


Graphics
GW: Everything's designed to be fairly 'realistic' in look. In general, people look fairly realistic, clothing design is also done with an eye towards realism, and monsters usually look realistic as well. The game is more cinematic in approach. Rendering isn't always optimal - you'll see a 'flat' look to some textures here and there, and there's the rare graphical glitch if you look at something from the wrong angle, but it isn't too bad actually.


WoW: The graphics here usually go for the more 'cartoony' look, with traits exaggerated and with the buildings and such much simpler in appearance. This works for the feel they're going for, though I find I don't like it that much myself. I've seen a lot less graphical errors here though, which is to WoW's credit, but overall, I prefer a more realistic look to things.


Movement
GW: Movement is limited in GW. You can't climb over fences or any structures, and in some cases things like sharp cliffs and hills are used to bar your path. Water beyond a certain depth is impossible to cross, even if it's just a shallow lake or river. Honestly, you're not going anywhere the game doesn't want you to go, and some things like fences and such are just a nuisance.


WoW: Jumping is allowed, letting you hop over barriers or even perch on them. When you hit water, you swim after a certain depth. Some hills and cliff sides bar movement, but if you're on higher ground you can slide / drop down, accepting some or no damage to shortcut to lower ground. I prefer WoW's movement overall.


Conclusion
Both games have their selling points. Overall, I still prefer Guild Wars for game play, but there are a lot of elements in WoW I enjoyed. I saw where the tipping point was however, between 'I'm willing to play this' and 'I am willing to pay to play this', and the 20 level cap was a good stopping point. I'm willing to run around with my blood elf in the regions I've already been in, just to explore and do my thing, but I don't see myself going much further, and I'm not willing to drop cash down to go past my current limits. WoW was fun, but it was nearing where I'd have less fun, and it would seem more like work. Now, to be fair, Guild Wars is not a game I'd play if it had a monthly fee. The initial up-front cost was fine, and having it free beyond that is a big selling point for me. There are frustrating sections in the game, and if I had to pay a monthly cost on top of that to play the game, I'd give it a miss. The fact that it is free does a lot to make the game more fun.


Would I play WoW if it was entirely free to play? Probably not. There's enough elements involved in higher-level play that I would not tolerate it, even if it were free. I like being able to solo play (shown by my playing 99% of the trial version all by myself). I don't mind having other people in my group, but I don't like the idea of it being required for any part of the game at all. You can play through Guild Wars solo - with NPC / Hero henchmen if you wish, but even that isn't mandatory. I've seen people take down the end boss of Factions in under a minute solo - the 'blink and you miss it' sort of thing, and I find this to be a good thing. You can't do this with WoW, and that's unfortunate.

But to each their own. I wanted to give WoW a fair go, and I think I did. I can see why people enjoy it, and hey, I enjoyed it (or I'd not have sat down for 2-3 hour stretches to play it). But I can see where my needs and expectations don't line up, and I know these would get worse over time. It's not a bad game, it just isn't my game.

And to the person who gave me this opportunity? Thank you. Let's hook up on WoW and GW and hang out from time to time. ;>

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Complexity

Samantha: I'm on a down swing again.. it happens from time to time. I thought of posting about this in my own LJ account, but this is more a Legion thing than a Me thing, and I felt it made more sense to do this here.

I'm on a down swing.. feeling a bit depressed, a bit like I'm in the way more than I'm of any use. A burden on a number of people, rather than an actual boon. It's a bunch of little things that add up, and on top if it, my main means of communicating with someone's just flatlined, so I'm having to fight to be able to get in contact with them.

It all sucks.

Where do I start?
Well, someone I trusted with who we are decided to stab me in the back. He decided to hint (and it wasn't even a subtle one) about us in a debate with my brother, Kit, on a public forum, to score points. Then, he essentially denied us the right to be individuals. I'm still not talking to him about it, and I don't think he'll ever apologize about it.

A friend of mine offered to run a solo game for me. This was a high point, nobody does that for me. I've wanted it before, but it didn't happen, and it was exciting and new and I was enjoying myself. It lasted two sessions. After months of waiting, the game got cancelled, and if I'm lucky he's willing to do a few semi-sessions once in a while during the week. Maybe. This one hurts because it was a chance to stretch and be creative and feel like I'm interacting and getting a chance to use my imagination. This isn't something I get a lot of, and he was hitting all the right notes with this game.

I think I put too much pressure on my boyfriend. I try not to.. he's often down and depressed and doesn't have much of a creative drive currently. I want to do things with him.. roleplay, chat, hang out, but he's not in the mood to really roleplay, there's not much to talk about lately, and hanging out seems to drag him down more than it does to pick him up. I feel like, when I'm trying to push and pull him to get him moving, I'm making things worse, not better.

Then of course.. if I'm active, I'm putting a strain on Kit. I'm distracting him from doing his things when I do mine. This upsets me too, because I feel like I can't win with this one. Do I push to be up, knowing that it's killing his chance of doing things. Do I settle back and bide my time, knowing that there's other people who want to do stuff with me, and I'm not there, and that I'm preventing myself doing what I want?

My Guild is a ghost of its former self. There's .. well, there's no regulars. There's me showing up on Sundays, but that's mostly because nobody shows up regularly any other time. Fox's off and on, and Orian and Corin are off and on, and my boyfriend's there for Sundays and that's about it. Everyone else's buggered off to do other things, or to play World of WarCraft.

Do you know how much I hate World of WarCraft? Words don't begin to describe it. It isn't about the game, but it is about what it has taken away from me. I've lost a bunch of friends to that game.. there's people I used to see who I don't anymore. There's people who would play with me on Guild Wars, but WoW is so much better. There's people who would roleplay with us, but they're also playing WoW, so 'oh, can't really concentrate on hanging out with you guys, I'm off playing another fucking game which I'm enjoying more'. Way to show how much you care about our feelings.

Kit does this, sometimes, but he does it the opposite way.. he'll be playing Guild Wars, and doing a mission, and he puts them a bit more at risk because he thinks the feelings of the people he's talking to in another window are more important than the mission he's on. The mission can be repeated later if he fucks up.. but talking to someone? That's a different matter.. trying to be good company's more important. I can at least accept that. If the mission's reasonably important, he'll tell the people he's hanging with he's going to be distracted by Guild Wars, and when the mission's done he turns off the fucking game and gives his attention to the people he's hanging with.

Yeah, we're not bitter. Kit's too nice to really complain about it, but it really gets under his skin. My complaint is that I'm feeling abandoned by people. I'd invited a friend to hang out with my guild more when he lost interest in WoW. It was really an invitation to hang out with me, and.. nothing came of it.

Nothing ever really comes of it..

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Who Defines Family?

Samantha: Last night someone decided they could "out" me on a community. He was in an argument with my brother (Kit) about some things, and decided when he was going to talk about Daryl or myself, he'd use " " around the title "brother" and "sister". The community Kit posts to doesn't know about our circumstances, but if you see " " there during a discussion, what's the presumptions you might make?

This pissed me off obviously, and I decided to sleep on it before I said anything. Well, the next morning I wasn't feeling any better about it, and Kit was wondering what to say? If someone doesn't accept your view on these things, you're essentially screwed for any reasonable discussion on the points made. And, of course, you're also probably going to need to try to explain the circumstances and deal with a few hundred people you don't know suddenly judging you. Yeah, it sucks all around.

I shot off a quick reply to the guy, and I wanted to wash my hands of the whole thing. Well, guess what? When I asked him why he did it, one of the things he said was 'you're not his sister. You're not family. Especially now that he's trying to start one'.

Well, fuck that! Nobody gets to decide if I'm family or not except my family. You know what? I'm not going away just because Kit's having a kid. It's already been decided that we'll have to explain ourselves to the kid while they're growing up, and that they'll need to learn to handle it. This isn't some short-term thing we're talking about. I'm not some passing 'phase'. And treating me like a non-person isn't helping matters.

Needless to say, I'm not going to be dealing with this guy anymore.