Got into an argument with Cat. She cut me off, so I decided to write it out and give her the link to read whenever she gets around to it. I'm pissed off, so I decided to let off both barrels. That being said, I also laid out my reasoning and my points.
I just decided not to be nice about it. Right now, I don't think I need to be nice. I think I need to be honest, to the point, lay out my argument, and be direct and cruel. And yeah, I was cruel. I felt that I was justified on that point. Let Kit be the saint. I don't need to be.
Why? Because seriously, I feel Kit's being taken advantage of, more often than not, but I keep my mouth shut about most of it - since he asks me to. But this crossed the line. She can have Kit help her, and he will, because he's nice like that. Kit can make sacrifices, because he sees this as 'this is what you do for a relationship'.
But you know what? I'm not married to Cat. And if I have the means to go enjoy myself, and it uses my own resources, I should be allowed to do so. I don't think anyone has the right to guilt trip me over it. Because why the fuck should I be forced to sacrifice my happiness when it's so rare that I get this kind of opportunity?
Yeah. I know I'm a drain on Kit's resources - that he spends money on me, that I don't have that much restraint. I'm fully aware of it. His argument is that I have limited opportunities to enjoy myself, so he gives me a bit of leeway, and when I go over the line, he gets frustrated. I get that. But this is not that. This is, 'here you go, you have this window to be you and have fun'. And I know the limits that are put in place concerning this. And I know what I want.
Like I said. He's a saint. And sometimes I feel he doesn't deserve me. But this isn't that. This is him giving me a chance to have fun and be me. And to do so without hurting the household at all. And I'm pissed that Cat wants to take that away from me.
So yeah. I wrote everything out. And I was cruel about it.
So be it. I'm going to be the bitch, because Kit doesn't like being cruel. She can read it if she wants, or not. If it makes her cry, I'm gonna feel like shit. But ... hey.
"I can't talk about this now."
"Then when can we talk about it?"
"I don't know!"
Which means, it never gets talked about. Because it's a confrontation. And there's never a good time for a confrontation. I'd say it's better to get it out of the fucking way. You know, that whole 'don't go to bed mad' thing. But whatever. She gets to sleep, I get to stew. Fair, right?
