If You Can't Control the Others..

Samantha:  Kit got some flack from our earlier post.  It may have cost him at least one friendship.  I'm not going to go into too much detail, because the drama-llama is not why I'm writing tonight.  No, this is about a thing that was said to Kit - and peripherally, related to how some people among his friends and family relate to us - or fail to.

"Well, if you can't control the others, talk to them."

The thing is, Kit does talk to us.  We talk to each other.  That's part of the bargain with Legion - we have to talk with one another to co-exist.  Without communication, we'd be like in the bad old days - the days when I didn't exist.  When Kit was curled up in a ball in his room, screaming for the "others" to stop talking to him, and for Shawn to stop trying to torment him.

We talk.  We argue.  We debate.  Communication with us is pretty quick usually.  Sometimes we agree, and sometimes we don't.  Sometimes we try to find common ground, and sometimes one or more of us will dig in our heels to get our way.  Control?  No, that's not how we function.  Do you control your brother and your sister?  Do you control your friends?  No.  You can talk with them, or argue with them, or try to find some sort of middle ground with them, but you don't control them.

Kit doesn't control us.  Nor should he try.  The only time we try to "control" anyone, is when we're dealing with Dark, and he's deciding to come up at a bad time.  And that isn't "control", that's us clinging to him and preventing him from manifesting - and that's something that takes all of us together to do.  And if he is on one of his more persistent attempts, that's a delaying tactic - not something we tend to succeed at.

This blog here?  This was a gift from Kit to us.  It was something where we could write about how we feel, what we think, and how we react to the world around us.  We don't get many ways to voice our thoughts, or to interact with the world around us, but this is our space, and we can use it however we want.  Kit can say he's uncomfortable with what we write - and that's fine, but that's all he's allowed to do.  Anything else would be censorship.  And that would be a betrayal of our trust.

Sadly, Kit gets flack sometimes for things we do.  Some people just don't comprehend - I'm not him.  He's not me.  What I value isn't necessarily what he values.  And what Kit values is definitely not what Shawn values.  So yes, I'm going to continue to speak my mind here, and I'm going to be thankful Kit gave me this kind of space to talk.  I'm sad that he's taking the blame for things he's not said, and I'm sad he's losing some of his friends over this, but I think that's more a statement about his friends, and not him.

Shawn:  I don't have much to add.  Not related to this anyway.  Funny enough, related to this kind of thing, I sent off an e-mail.  I think it was my very first e-mail, ever.  I had to use Kit's e-mail to do it, since it is kind of obvious I'd not have my own e-mail address.  I'm not as chatty as the rest of the group are.  I didn't get a reply.  That was probably for the best, the conversation would have turned decidedly unpleasant if I had, I bet.  But I needed to drive a point home.  Doubt it worked.

But yeah.  Short form.  I'm me.  She's she.  He's he.  If I sign my name to something, that makes it mine.  If she signs her name to something, that makes it hers.  If he signs his name to something, that makes it his.  And you know what?  It's fucking insulting when that's ignored.  It's even more fucking insulting when we're talking to someone, and they decided to ignore us and talk about us in the third person.  But yeah, maybe some people are thick.

Coming to the End (of 2014)

Samantha:  This has been one hell of a year, and the pendulum continues to swing wildly between good and bad.  We're getting settled in the new place, we have most of the boxes unpacked, and we have a roomie that we've known since forever, and that's all good.

We have a kitten, Moggie.  He'll be a year old in a few more months.  He's playful, energetic, likes to bat things around.  He picks on Malkin, and he's a bitey little kitten in that playful way that you know means he doesn't want to hurt you - though you have bite and scratch marks on your hands.  When we got him, he had ear mites and round worm.  We didn't know of course, so Malkin got ear mites and round worm.  That was an expensive pain in the ass to get treated, but they're both all better now.  Moggie just got fixed, and the difference in appearance is noticeable.  I didn't know how big cat balls were until we got Moggie.  Malkin was fixed before we got him, so to us his pair (even though he doesn't have a pair) looked 'normal' to us.  You would think, 'small animal, small pair'.  Moggie however, had this huge set of swingers, to the point where I'd joke 'a cat is all teeth, claws, and balls'.  Now that Moggie's fixed, it looks more like what we'd expect from a tiny animal.

Malkin's age is showing.  He's slowing down, he sleeps a lot, but he still plays and likes attention.  We figure he's got months left, maybe a year.  Kit's in that weird dual-head-space, where he doesn't want to think about Malkin dying, but he's eyeballing a playmate for Moggie for when Malkin does pass on.  It's got him kinda sad at the moment.  I hope Malkin can make it through the winter.

The new apartment's kinda nice.  It's warm.  Hella warm.  We keep the windows open even though there's snow outside, and the apartment is still warm.  We've been putting the fans in the house on, and letting them blow on us to keep us cool.  And this is on top of keeping the window open.  On the nice side, it means we're not needing to put on the thermostat.  But I bet summer's gonna fucking suck, so we'll need the air conditioner in when spring comes around.

Yeah.  There's an elephant in the room, and I'm trying to think of how to talk about it.  I could leave it to Shawn to talk about, or I could let Mark talk about it, but.. I dunno.  Mark's not really emotionally invested in it, and Shawn is being kinda weird about it.  It doesn't bother him as much as it bothers Kit and I.. but he feels if he has to address it.. well, it's kinda a 'don't dump this on me'.  He'd thought about writing about it earlier in the day, but right now, this seems to be my show.

So okay.  Cat and mom had a fight.  Yeah, they'll argue sometimes.. mom's been really critical of us, and Cat doesn't take that very well.  They both have dominating personalities, they're both stubborn, and because of that when they meet head-on, it gets ugly.  Mom's had a way of being critical when she comes over.. she will be upset about the state of the house, or the dishes, or the kitchen, or the bathroom, or whatever.  The thing is, she'll critique things while in the house being a houseguest, and Cat thinks it's kinda rude.  (Shawn:  Yes, it is "kind of rude".  Seriously, but continue.)  If we're visiting mom and dad's place, mom gets critical there, too.  And the thing is, this kinda attitude drives Cat nuts.

I kind of see it.  If you have someone over as a guest, they shouldn't crap on you.  If you're being a guest, they shouldn't crap on you.  If there's something up, you can bring it up later, I guess.  You know, perhaps in neutral territory, or in an e-mail, or a phone conversation.  And if you're not enjoying the visit, then either stop visiting, or stop inviting the person over, or whatever.  Dumping on someone is, I think, rude.. you don't do it.  But.. well.. I guess this has been a point of contention before with Kit and mom.  She's always had this kinda headspace that Kit's her son, and thus she's entitled to care for him, and thus she's entitled to give her thoughts on things where it concerns him, regardless of time and place.  And Cat doesn't like that.  She feels it's picking on him, it's picking on her, it causes frustration and anger and just adds a negative vibe to everything.  It's why Cat's parents don't feel comfortable hanging out with our parents - there's just too much negativity.

Well, Cat's been a bit more aggressive about this lately.  With the new apartment, mom's first visit was also a critique of how we're unpacking, where we're putting stuff, and so forth and so on.  And a 'I hope you keep this place in better condition than the last place'.  Cat was unhappy, and yeah, I don't blame her.  This led to Cat giving mom a smack upside the head when she was being critical and Cat wasn't taking it anymore.  Kit gave Cat the warning 'no, you don't get to hit my mom'.

But this.. this was a different beast entirely.

Shawn:  I guess I will take over here.  There's a few rules of hospitality that our mother doesn't seem to keep in mind.  One thing is that when you walk through the front door, you're a guest.  I don't care what you want to do, you're a guest, and as a guest, there are rules of hospitality.

Without putting too fine a point on it - you are polite.  You don't make demands.  You don't threaten to break someone else's property.  And you don't make a move to act on that threat.  If your host tells you to leave, you leave.  It doesn't matter if you think you're in the right or not.  You walk out that door.  If you have a thing to say, you can say it from outside.  Or in an e-mail.  Or a phone call.  Or a letter.  Or whatever the hell you want, but you don't do it inside the house.

Do I think Cat may have overreacted?  I'm not certain.  I think if I was in her shoes, I'd have thrown a punch.  If it was Samantha, I'm sure she'd have gone for a slap across the face.  Mark might have grabbed her wrist - and most likely would have broken it.  Cat did none of these - she has her own style of fighting.

Our mother however, didn't just cross a line, she decided the line was on the edge of a cliff, and decided to throw herself over it anyway.  Kit's trying to be understanding, but he's pissed off.  He's done an amazing job of keeping that flatlined however - his feeling about family is pretty damn strong, but he's frustrated with our mother, annoyed with our father, and he's said what he had to say to Cat and is being as supportive as he can for her.

We had a talk today with our mother, and it didn't go well.  She's got a habit of "being right".  She played the victim card today.  "What if I had a heart attack while I was fighting with Cat?"  The answer is "we'd have dealt with that if it had happened."  The point is, it was still mother's fault it got to this.  She broke so many rules of hospitality, I have to laugh thinking about it.  I laugh, because if I didn't, the alternative wouldn't be as pleasant.  Mother's completely unapologetic, and she's being her typical stubborn self.

Mother was in the wrong.  She's refusing to accept any responsibility for her actions.  I'm going to remind Kit of this each time she wants him to see her.  I think I'm not going to be letting him visit her place anymore.  From now on, visits are on neutral ground.  This is going to make things awkward when Cat has a kid, because mother won't be visiting the apartment to see it, and we're certainly not taking it to their place. If and when they want to see the kid, that means Cat's going to be there, until the kid's old enough for Kit to bring it someplace without Cat's supervision.  And you know, Cat's not going to want to be there if mother's there, and that means no visit then.

Mother fucked up.  Badly.  She won't own up to it.  That's two strikes.  Kit may be willing to bend a bit for family, but there's nothing saying I have to.  I'll be watching for the next little while.  But suffice to say, I'm really not pleased.

Samantha:  In other news, let's talk about something more pleasant, okay?  I've been helping out a DJ on Guild Wars 2, and I've enjoyed it.  He's convinced me to actually be a part of the show, and while it's kinda fun helping with the script, I fucking hate my voice.  I.. sound nothing like how I want to sound, and it just kinda makes me twitch to hear myself.

That being said.. yeah, it's still fun.  I like doing it, I just don't wanna listen to the results.  It started kinda out of the blue - a guy was supposed to be part of the show, dating an NPC that's a part of the program.  The DJ has a few characters for his show, and he does the voices of all of them.  Two of them are girls, and he's using a Text To Voice for them, which is kinda cool.  Anyway, the guy didn't show up, so he asked if I could fill in.  So, yeah, I wound up "in script", going on the date with one of the girls.  That was kinda fun.

And for his 2-year-anniversary, he got a bunch of friends to team up to do the script, so I was there, and I got to cut loose some and enjoy myself.  The voice part sucked for me, and I could have died of embarrassment every time I heard myself, but it was still fun.  I've been helping out in-game as well, creating quizzes for people to answer, and handing out prizes.  I kinda like that.. partly because it flatters my geek ego to be able to toss out questions.  A lot of the questions are trivia I know, though I've had to sometimes go hunt down the answer to make damn sure I'm right.. and I've goofed a few times, but overall it's just fun.

I've been talking with the guys about DJing.  I've considered going back to Second Life and doing my program there, though it doesn't have voice associated with it - it's just me spinning tunes and hanging out on the grid with everyone.  We've also talked about DJing in Guild Wars 2 though.. and it wouldn't be just me, it'd be me, and Kit.  Kit'd be the primary for the show, and we're kinda trying to think of a gimmick for me so I could be on the show and not sound like I do.  Though .. I think it was Shawn.. mentioned just owning it.  Make Legion be the DJ in all our glory, with each of us coming up to do what we do over the course of the show.  It's.. kind of a different idea.. I'd not have thought of that.. but it's also kinda cool.  And scary.  "Hey, here's a new DJ.  Our thing is.. well, there's a LOT of us!"

It's kinda cool, but I have to admit, everyone else's got an advantage there.. in that they're all guys, and I'm not.  So they don't care what they sound like.. I do.  But maybe.  We'll see.

And yeah, that's that.  It's 3 am.. and I think we've gotten this all out of our system.  The holidays are gonna be fucked up.. thankfully though we're gonna see my girlfriend when she comes to visit Ottawa around Christmas.  We're maybe going to Montreal to see her for her birthday too - that'd be nice.  She's gone through some hard times - so any chance to spend time with her is good.

G'night, everyone!

- S

A Sea of Tears

Samantha:  I thought it couldn't get worse.. how stupid could I be?

We had to put Neko to sleep almost three weeks ago.  Then Mau was put to sleep last Monday.  And I thought this was rock bottom, wasn't it?  It couldn't get worse.

My girlfriend contacts me.. she found her fiancee dead yesterday morning.  We don't know how she died, but.. goddess.. that's beyond words.  I wish I could rush to Montreal and be there for her.. but she's got friends, and that's something.  I'm contacting my sensei to make an offering for this.. but it hit a little too close to home for me.

Her fiancee.. my friend.. was like us.  She was both "Jace" and "Akiria".. and I've talked with both of them.. in fact, when Jace was having to first deal with Akiria, she came to me to help her understand what was going on, and how to cope.  I got along well with both of them.. and now they're both gone.

And while my girlfriend has said her farewells to both.. I think most people will overlook Akiria.. and this is a fear I feel for myself as well.. if we pass on.. will it be Kit that most people remember and say goodbye to, and will the rest of us be overlooked?  So I've asked my sensei to say prayers for both of them.

Goddess.. too much.

Too Much, Too Soon

Samantha:  It's just too much, everything's happening at once.  Three weeks ago we had to put Neko down, and we're only just getting over that, and now Mau's sick.  Kit's preparing to deal with having her put down tomorrow if necessary, and we're really not ready for that.  Not by a long shot.

On top of that, Paul's moving to Toronto.  We were given about two month's warning - possibly less.  So Kit and Cat started scrambling to find a new room-mate to fill in.  That didn't work out, so now it's a new plan.  His best friend called us, and offered us a two-bedroom condo.. it's smaller than this place, but it's also much cheaper -- $200 cheaper.  Also, no hydro bill - that's going to be nice as well.

But it means moving.  We've not moved in about fifteen years.  This is our house.  This is our neighbourhood.  The people in this area know us.  But now, we're suddenly leaving.  I don't like this change, I don't want to move.  I want to live here forever.

There's so much that needs to be done, and .. it feels like we're going to be leaving something behind.  I don't like that feeling.. like there's something here, and we're going to abandon it.  I think it's because of Neko and Minou.. and perhaps Mau.  Kit kinda felt this way when he left his place on Fisher, after Kitty died, and this is .. close.. to that.

I dunno.  I just don't like it.  New place, having to get used to new people.. damn it.  Fortunately, we'll still only need one bus to get to Kanata.. and we'll also be closer to Malcolm's place.  And there's a swimming pool there we can use, so Kit can go swimming (want to place bets on how often?  Probably not that often, but you never know).  The swimming pool is saltwater, so that's interesting.

But I don't want interesting.  I want.. safe.  And this place is safe.  But we can't afford it..

I don't know.. I don't like this.. I don't like any of this.

An Experiment in Voice

Samantha:  I'm on Teamspeak.  Can you imagine that?  I was invited a short while ago to join up on TS with a friend or two who DJ on Guild Wars 2.  I was, as you might imagine, incredibly nervous about doing so, because Teamspeak uses voice.  Seriously.. me?  Talk online?  Hell no!

So.. I didn't use the microphone, but listened to people talk, and tapped away on the keyboard to talk to people.  The thing is - when you're on Teamspeak, you can multitask if you have voice.. so people were kind of doing other things, which made me talking to them a slow and difficult process.

So, after a week or two of this, I got annoyed and tried to find a program to alter my voice.. something I could use so I could sound outwardly the way I hear myself inwardly.  Nothing.  Everything I looked at either cost more money than we have.. or just didn't work.. or sounded bad.. or crashed when we tried to use it.  Needless to say.. I was kinda demoralized.

So.. finally, I talked with Cat.  My few friends offline can usually pick me out from anyone else when I'm up and talking, so I asked her how I sounded.  I know my voice is higher than Kit's, or Mark's (Mark's is lower than Kit's, we've noticed).. but do I sound.. well, not to put too fine of a point on it.. female.

Cat said I sounded fine.  She noted her mom gets mistaken for male on the phone at times (which of course pisses her mom off).. so I should be okay.  This.. well.. I was nervous as hell, but it was enough that I decided I'd just be myself and talk.

I was fucking terrified.

But, see, I had to do this.  I want to have friends, I want people I can talk to.  This was really important to me, because these were people I was hanging out with online, who were opening a door that I had always felt was closed, and were saying hey, we like you, come join us.

I don't get that kind of invitation.  Not really.

So, I turned on the microphone on the laptop, and walked in, and gave it a shot.  And.. it was okay.  The people who knew me didn't bat an eye.. and we talked a bit.  I didn't talk much, since the general topics of conversation were things I didn't know about - they play MMOs and games I don't, for example, but it was nice.  It felt like walking into a dance hall, and seeing people you know, and having them wave to you while you stick to the sidelines and wave back.  You're there, and that's a good start.

Someone asked The Question.. 'are you a girl?'.  So.. I took my second gamble.  One of my friends went 'oh boy', and I knew I didn't have to answer if I didn't want to.  But.. I knew some of these people, and this was the acid test.  Could I be accepted for who I was?  So.. I answered.  I explained who I was.. and what I had to deal with.  And.. it was accepted.  No questions asked.

It felt good.  I was able to be me here.  I could talk.  I could joke.  I could drop my smart-assed remarks and people would laugh, and it was nice!

(Fuck you, I'm allowed to say nice.  Kit's the one who's banned from that word.)

I don't go on often, but.. I'm making it more of a habit these days.  Go in, hang out a bit, talk, and slip out again.  It is .. pleasant.. being able to show up, and hear people be happy you're around.

And tonight, I was given a compliment.  Someone .. well.. I won't go into detail, but they said something that made me feel really good.  They know about me, they've heard me, and even with that disadvantage, I was given a wonderful compliment.

I'm happy.. and sad.. at the same time.  I'm happy that I have these friends, and I'm sad about the limitations I still have, preventing me from being free.. but .. it's still good.  I'm still smiling, even through the tears.

Mark:  I've been watching Samantha go through this, and I'm happy for her.  This has taken a lot of courage, considering her personal fears and physical limitations, and having a group that supports her I think is something she needs.  Hopefully, this will let her come out of her shell more.  Our condition is harder on her than anyone else in our group, so giving her the opportunity to make friends and interact with others is important.  I was admittedly wary of her coming out like this.  I'm glad to see my concerns were not necessary.

Other Voices

Kit:  I've asked other members of Legion to post their thoughts on things here, simply because Samantha has her own LJ if she wants to talk about things, and this blog is not about just one or two members.  For those who are more reluctant to speak, I've allowed others to talk on their behalf.

Daryl

I don't talk much or get out much, because I really don't feel comfortable around people anymore.  A long time ago I was told I could go online and meet new people and make friends, which is not something that I had a lot of time to do normally.  It was fun at first because I was allowed to talk to people, and everyone seemed nice.  Shawn and Mark both say that this is because the internet was young and the places I was going to were social places where people would hang out and talk, and that the community was friendly.  I guess they're right, because the first place I went to was called FurryMUCK, and it was there that I met some nice people, including one who even helped us to get a better computer.  I stopped going online though because one of the people I trusted the most hurt me there, and then the other people that I had trusted went away.  I don't come out very often, though sometimes I will to play a game or just to have fun, but it is kind of hard to trust anyone anymore, and I just kind of watch instead.  I have tried to play games online once or twice but there are people who were just mean to me, or the people that I tried to become friends with just stopped showing up or were to busy to keep me company, so I've stopped again.

Samantha:  Claudia doesn't talk to anyone.  She's simply there, and I try to protect her as much as I can.  She's quiet, she's observant, and she's frail.  We had named her after the girl from Interview with the Vampire, but she's nothing like that.  There's really not much we can say about her - she's the youngest of our 'core', and perhaps the most fragile.

Mark:  There's not much I'm willing to say about myself right now.  I've been convinced to join a game of Pathfinder, and Kit and I sort of oversee the character in equal parts.  I'm not one to talk much, so he does most of the conversations, I deal with most of the strategy and combat in the game, though I do step up once in a while during social scenes that I'm comfortable with.  The game is entertaining, though not quite the type of game I would normally play.  The group is too relaxed, I think, for the kind of game I want.

At the other's request, I'll mention two individuals.  Sonic is our second-youngest, and is unusual.  His motor skills are limited, and his ability to speak his hampered.  He's quite aware of the world around him, but his ability to interact with it is incredibly limited.  It takes effort and concentration for him to walk, move, or talk, and as such he sort of shuffles when he moves, and his speech is a matter of limited intonations and attempts to make words.  He deals with pitch, more than vocabulary, so trying to understand him is much like trying to play charades.

The other is Bard.  Bard has no vocabulary at all, and his presence manifests as music.  In the background we typically have music of some sort or another - a song that plays through our head all day.  He will rise up from time to time, either humming or singing, creating music or rhythms of some sort, and at times he will just spontaneously beatbox.  An interesting... twitch... is when a memory crosses our path that one of us really does not like - and when flinching or reacting to the memory, Bard will respond with a rhythm or sound as a sort of defence mechanism.  It's unusual, and we really do not understand why it happens.

Guardian:  A long time ago, I was necessary.  I was called Avatar, and acted as a focal point for the rest of Legion.  Those days have long since gone, and the majority of my duties have been handed off to Mark.  I have mostly moved on, though I am here if necessary.  In essence, it is my role to ensure that, if the worst happens and Kit falls apart, that I can keep us intact enough to reassemble him and allow him to return.  I am the eye of the storm, as much as it is possible to be.  Once, I was one who would rise up to talk to others, but those days have long since passed.  I would have called Catherine a friend at that time, as she and I would talk about things of importance, and I enjoyed her company.  I am uncertain she remembers much of our encounters.  Kit's doctor remembers me, and has mentioned me in passing once or twice, which I find to be somewhat warming.  It is good to be remembered.

I believe my other duty, though again, this is not as necessary as it once was, is to keep an eye on the one we call The Crying One.  This is an entity which is more a bundle of negative emotions which lurks at the heart of our being.  It is a destructive, mindless, chaotic force, though it has not been present too often in our more recent past.  The maelstrom of half-thoughts and shards that exists outside of our existence is the greater threat, but even this has not been much of a danger in the recent past.  Perhaps I have done my job too well, and there is no need for my presence at all.  Still, I remain.

Shawn:  I introduced myself a while back.  I see no point in repeating myself here.  But, since Kit wants us all to say something, I'll make some introductions for those who have passed on and those who have since disappeared.  Samantha prefers not to talk about Milady, but I will.  She was the first female within our group, and she was the first of us to disappear.  When Kit broke, and we all had to scramble to put him back together, she just up and left, plunging herself into the storm.  This wasn't something we'd have thought possible, but I guess being a girl in a guy's body was something she just couldn't take.  When Samantha made her first appearance - again, after one of Kit's fits - she would freak out at the mere mention of Milady.  Mind you, she had other triggers as well, and we really don't understand why she had those, either.  There is some speculation though - is Samantha actually Milady "evolved" in some form, like how Avatar became Guardian?  Or maybe Claudia's Milady, which is why Samantha's so protective of the brat.

The second one I'll mention is Troy.  Who's Troy?  We have no fucking clue.  He was there, for perhaps a week or two or three, then he was gone.  We've no idea who he was, why he was with us, what purpose he served, or anything of the sort.  Poof.  Gone.

The third one I'll talk about is Natasha.  That was a piece of work.  We have no clue what that guy was, other than the fact he stole his name from a book.  He was powerful, in that it took all of us to suppress him when he took control, but when he was down, we couldn't see him at all.  He was like a bloody ghost, and we only saw him once.  The guy was at once smooth, but disturbing, and we always wonder whether or not he's still around, or if he's left.  We'd never know until he decided to come up again.

There was another.  We've no bloody clue who that one was.  A friend of Kit's once mentioned looking at him, and she said he was "angelic".  Wasn't any of us, none of us are angelic.  We've debated whether she saw Daryl, but he's too young, and we wondered if it was Avatar at the time, but Guardian says it wasn't him.  So, yeah, no idea.

Mark:  The last one which bears mentioning is Dark.  He's an animal - very instinct-driven.  The best way to describe him is almost totemic - he's a panther.  Not sleek like one, but much in the way he manifests in our mind's eye.  He doesn't talk, and his movements are a lot more basic than what most of us are like.  He's got more coordination than Sonic does, but he dislikes standing at full height - he prefers to crouch.  Obviously, he's not going to talk about himself here - he lacks the ability to think in this fashion.  He's a lot stronger than most of us in a physical sense, which first surprised us when he showed just how strong he was.  If I recall correctly, I believe he lifted someone who weighed in excess of 250 pounds, and I don't think any of us are capable of that.  This is more significant when you realize we weighed perhaps 160 or so at the time.  We keep him on a short leash, since his social skills are significantly lacking, and fortunately, none of us have had need of actually bringing him up to the surface deliberately.  He's designed for combat, and fairly vicious combat at that.

Samantha:  That's our role-call, I guess.  :>  I'm kinda amused that Shawn had the most to say about this, but then again I didn't expect anyone to talk about those who.. well, yeah.  We don't talk to each other as much as we used to - we kinda pass mental notes back and forth when necessary, but we've kind of learned how to fit comfortably adjacent to each other, and can swap in and out when we need.. so yeah, there's not as much talking as there used to be.  Mark and I talk with each other a lot more than, say, I do with Guardian, and Mark and Shawn kinda look at each other askance from time to time, and Daryl's always around the fringes, but everyone else kind of hangs back and just observes or sleeps.

Was there a point to this?  Not entirely, but it seemed like it might be something that could help put some things in perspective, and some of us aren't really known for communicating.  It's a good idea once in a while to take stock of things, and see how things have changed.

Legion and the Mormons

Samantha:  Kit's been having Mormons come visit.  He's been a little uncomfortable with their presence, but it isn't because he doesn't like them or anything.  It feels like there's a spiritual conflict each time they're around.  But that's not what I'm here to talk about..

Their last visit, they asked Kit if he'd be willing to be baptised.  Kit replied that, while he accepts their faith (as he pretty much accepts all faiths on some grounds), he would not be able to be baptised, because he would need a consensus.  This sort of confused them.. so he sort of introduced us.

This became almost a five minute oration, discussing who we were, how we interacted, and how we fit into his life and spirituality.  He laid out our concerns about the afterlife, how we felt about ourselves, and our need to be accepted as individuals.

This was really fascinating for them, I think.  He kinda blew their minds.. but they accepted our presence.  The very idea we were there, and that we had our own spiritual needs caught their interest.  So, what happened is that one of them has decided she's going to look into great depth into the Mormon afterlife and view on spirituality, and how it intersects with us.

Kinda curious to see where this goes.  I mean, Shinto's cool and all, our sensei basically said 'you're all gods, when your body dies, you'll continue to exist'.  Kinda curious how Mormonism is gonna take us.

On the Air?

Samantha:  So, I've been invited to DJ again.  I used to DJ on Second Life - which was fun, I enjoyed putting on music and entertaining in-world.  This is a bit different though.. in this case, I'd be DJing in Guild Wars 2.. and I'd be on air.  This means my voice would be heard.. and that scares me.

Because, of course, my voice is not my voice.  Sure, I talk at a higher pitch than Kit does.. but still, it isn't mine.  And I really, really want to DJ again.  This means getting a good mic, and it also means trying to find a way to get my voice heard.

So.. looking into voice changers.. and while I'm at it, discussing what I'd do, when I'd do it, and so forth.  If I can get this sorted?  I could DJ again.. and be more.. legitimate at it.

Scared.. but interested.