A Sea of Tears

Samantha:  I thought it couldn't get worse.. how stupid could I be?

We had to put Neko to sleep almost three weeks ago.  Then Mau was put to sleep last Monday.  And I thought this was rock bottom, wasn't it?  It couldn't get worse.

My girlfriend contacts me.. she found her fiancee dead yesterday morning.  We don't know how she died, but.. goddess.. that's beyond words.  I wish I could rush to Montreal and be there for her.. but she's got friends, and that's something.  I'm contacting my sensei to make an offering for this.. but it hit a little too close to home for me.

Her fiancee.. my friend.. was like us.  She was both "Jace" and "Akiria".. and I've talked with both of them.. in fact, when Jace was having to first deal with Akiria, she came to me to help her understand what was going on, and how to cope.  I got along well with both of them.. and now they're both gone.

And while my girlfriend has said her farewells to both.. I think most people will overlook Akiria.. and this is a fear I feel for myself as well.. if we pass on.. will it be Kit that most people remember and say goodbye to, and will the rest of us be overlooked?  So I've asked my sensei to say prayers for both of them.

Goddess.. too much.

Too Much, Too Soon

Samantha:  It's just too much, everything's happening at once.  Three weeks ago we had to put Neko down, and we're only just getting over that, and now Mau's sick.  Kit's preparing to deal with having her put down tomorrow if necessary, and we're really not ready for that.  Not by a long shot.

On top of that, Paul's moving to Toronto.  We were given about two month's warning - possibly less.  So Kit and Cat started scrambling to find a new room-mate to fill in.  That didn't work out, so now it's a new plan.  His best friend called us, and offered us a two-bedroom condo.. it's smaller than this place, but it's also much cheaper -- $200 cheaper.  Also, no hydro bill - that's going to be nice as well.

But it means moving.  We've not moved in about fifteen years.  This is our house.  This is our neighbourhood.  The people in this area know us.  But now, we're suddenly leaving.  I don't like this change, I don't want to move.  I want to live here forever.

There's so much that needs to be done, and .. it feels like we're going to be leaving something behind.  I don't like that feeling.. like there's something here, and we're going to abandon it.  I think it's because of Neko and Minou.. and perhaps Mau.  Kit kinda felt this way when he left his place on Fisher, after Kitty died, and this is .. close.. to that.

I dunno.  I just don't like it.  New place, having to get used to new people.. damn it.  Fortunately, we'll still only need one bus to get to Kanata.. and we'll also be closer to Malcolm's place.  And there's a swimming pool there we can use, so Kit can go swimming (want to place bets on how often?  Probably not that often, but you never know).  The swimming pool is saltwater, so that's interesting.

But I don't want interesting.  I want.. safe.  And this place is safe.  But we can't afford it..

I don't know.. I don't like this.. I don't like any of this.