Samantha.
I don't know what to say.
Well, let's start from the beginning, I guess? A few years ago, I met a woman at a convention. I was immediately struck by her. She was interesting, she was intelligent, there was something to her I was attracted to. Sadly, she had some trouble then, and it cut short us getting to know one another. But we touched base and we became friends.
She became sort-of-kind-of my girlfriend. But there were problems. Me, being a part of Legion, was one of them. And.. well.. life isn't fair, is it? But yeah, I understood the problem, and I accepted it as much as I could.
Then she got a girlfriend. Who became her fiance. And I liked this person, and we got along well, and I wished for my friend to be happy. So, I played nice, and just accepted my place, and was very happy for them. But then tragedy happened, and she lost her fiance. And I felt crushed by that, and tried my best to be there for my friend.
And when she recovered(ish, because how do you really recover from that), she looked for someone who could help her - to meet her needs. And I get that. But I wanted to be her girlfriend again, and be there for her.
And recently, she came over to visit, and we snuggled, and talked, and I told her 'I love you'. I'd never said that before to her, and it surprised me when I said it. And she admitted she couldn't say that back to me - not that way. And it hurt, but I accepted it.
So, today, I found out she's in a relationship. And I know who the person is in passing - having never met them face to face. But this time, it hurts. It hurts so much. And on one level it hurts more because that person has.. well.. things I have. But she's accepted that, when it makes a barrier for her with me.
And I can understand, because there's so many other issues involved with me.. but it still hurts. I want her to be happy, though, she deserves that. I just wish she could have been happy with me.
Thursday, March 30, 2017
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