Gold Stars

Samantha

Warning, this post is gonna be political.

So someone I saw on Twitter has a friend. That friend voted for Trump.  That friend no longer likes Trump. That friend is straddling the line between Republican and Democrat. So far, in my books, that's a strike against him.

Said friend doesn't feel he fits into either Party. He believes in equality for everyone, love who you want to love, and so forth.  Okay, fine.  But he doesn't believe White Privilege exists. That's a heavy strike in my books.  And third, he doesn't feel like he's understood as a white person.

Holy shit.  Stop right there.

Now, the person I was watching said this guy's trying to change. And then asked, "What do you say to a white male who says he doesn't feel like he's respected anymore in society?"

Respected.

For being white.

My answer?  "Sorry, I'm trying to limit my salt intake."

Was that snarky?  Yes, and I don't apologize for it.

Being respected for the colour of your skin. Because you're a white guy 'trying to do good', and because you checked off the two tick marks (equality for all, love who you love) doesn't mean you should be given respect. Hell no.  And expecting respect because of that?  No, you don't deserve it.

My brother believes everyone should be treated with respect until they have performed an action which takes that respect away.  And this guy's buried the needle in that regard.

Now, a friend I do respect mentioned he was on that side of the fence once.  I remember a few of our talks and through it all, I can think of only one thing that he suffered a strike on - and he changed his tune.  He didn't lament not being understood.  It just happened, it never came up with us, but at one point he mentioned something which showed his view had changed.

And he mentioned, change is uncomfortable, and it isn't easy to do.

He's totally right.

But here's my take on it.

It isn't my job, or your job, to try to "save" everyone, or to even offer sympathy. That's for friends - and only if their friends think the person's worthy of it.

Now, if such a person came to me? We might have a talk. Because they came to me.  Would I open with that snark?  Quite possibly.  And if they can't take it, they weren't really that invested in an answer. If they went to some other person?  It isn't my problem.  And I'm not obligated to like the guy, or even to give them the time of day, or any sympathy at all.  Their actions and words will prove they're trying to be a better person in time.

It's the "oh, but he can change if I love him enough" argument, but political. No, it has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with him. And before you say apples to oranges, think of how much abuse has been heaped upon the gay community, women about their reproductive rights, upon the black and hispanic community. This guy voted for that guy. That he changed his mind after the fact means nothing to me - because he saw full well what the Orange Man was like on the campaign trail.  He just didn't care.

And if you want advice, don't start with 'I'm white and...' because that will get you mocked. You're being white is the problem, because you're making it the problem.  That sentence alone is telling me that you should be treated better because you're white.

Fuck that. Because you're white means you need to work harder, and that you should expect nothing for your efforts.  Because your being white has given you advantages your entire life.  And this guy doesn't believe in white privilege which goes to show just how ignorant he is.

"I want to be respected, but I don't want to acknowledge that I have an unfair advantage."

Yeah, I've seen it before.  And the answer is always the same.  He doesn't deserve my respect, he doesn't deserve my sympathy.  Maybe someone else can help him, but I don't need to feel bad about not giving him anything but derision. As far as I'm concerned, he's earned that. He wants respect?  Earn it.  And don't expect it. The second you ask for a gold star is the second you've proven you don't deserve it.