Active Imagination

Kit

So once in a while we daydream what would happen if we gained our individual bodies and had some freedom. Usually, those who would be separated are the stronger ones, such as Samantha, Mark, and sometimes Daryl. Other times, it includes Dark and a few others, but we usually don't run the whole mental list. I think a part of it is because some of them aren't as strong as others, or don't draw attention to themselves normally. (Sonic for example, tends to remain quiet and hidden for the most part, as does Claudia).

It seems that if we did get separated, there's a standing belief that we'd wish to remain in contact with one another -- a telepathic or empathic link to allow us to feel each other's presence and commnicate with one another. I think we consider this the 'natural' state for ourselves, and that even if we all had our own bodies, we'd want to keep that sort of connection.

One thing that comes to mind is, what would we do with ourselves?

Samantha

I'd wanna visit my boyfriend, that's for certain. :> But yeah.. then what? Do we each get our own computer? How about space in the house? What about paying bills? I'd love to be able to run around and be myself, but yeah there's a lot of problems with this kinda thing. :<>

Oh that kinda reminds me of things Kit used to do to help us talk with him way back. :> He'd pull out a piece of paper and let us all just write, talking to him stream of thought kinda thing. It sort of worked, we'd write about whatever through him and hash things out, but this is kinda better and worse. Better, in that you can actually read us (some of us sucked at hand writing), but worse in that we kinda take more control and write longer when we do this. With the handwriting thing, it was come and go, but with this we kinda want to write more, and it is a bit slower if you can believe it.

Mark

I think the hand-writing was more an instinctual process, that's why. It picked up a lot more, and we were all more comfortable with it. Daydreaming about freedom is nice, and in the context of a fantasy, adding the elements we usually see with them, is fine. The reality would be a lot worse for us. Some of you have less concerns in the Real World, and have a more solid anchor than others of us. Daryl wouldn't be as demanding as, say, Claudia, Bard, Sonic, or Dark. I wouldn't have much to do there myself, I think.

Shawn

You're beating around the bush.

Mark

Yes, I am. Unlike you, I care about what people feel.

Shawn

Which defeats the purpose of this blog, right? You figure she's taken, which means there's not much point to being out and about, since the only reason you want to be out is gone. You think Cat's not yours, but you'd not turn her down. You're scared that you'd be rejected. Is that so hard?

Samantha

Tactful as ever.

Shawn

I'm not paid to be tactful. Seriously, the entire point of this experiment is to give you all a chance to speak your mind. So why not speak your mind? Kit's uneasy and questions his sanity, which I find a cosmic joke, since we're here aren't we? At least you've gotten over your existential angst. Mark's the one with the big issues, and throws up the 'I don't care' wall these days. Oh, and of course, this is my first time posting, so might as well say hi. Hi, I'm Shawn, and I'm an ass. Get that out of the way before someone else does.

Kit

I always figured Daryl would write something before Shawn would. I don't think he is quite up to coming out like this though. He's barely back into RP, and that backfired on him some.

Samantha

Yeah, though he's got some people accepting him, they're just too busy with their lives to give him the long-term attention he needs. Still, some's better than others, right?

Kit

I guess so.

Samantha

I think we drifted. :> This is a lot closer to what we used to do though, good and bad. Anyway, I think we're done here. Time to put this puppy to bed. ;>

Meeting the Others

Kit

We were at a friend's birthday party when we were introduced to someone else who has multiple personalities, and in fact encountered two people there like that. We got along well, then were invited to a weekly get-together. This is a support group type of thing which involves discussing different aspects of ourselves, doing crafts, and having a good time.

It sounds interesting, and sounds like it could be fun, but it makes us distinctly uneasy. We have trouble dealing with ourselves and our own identities, and attempting to find a method for dealing with others is daunting.

I think a part of it is may be connected to how we identify with people. People we see, we identify as 'that person'. Online, when dealing with people through their avatars, we dealing with each avatar as an individual, regardless if they're played by the same person or not. Thus, while Samantha deals with her boyfriend, I deal with her boyfriend's female avatar, and we consider them two separate individuals who happen to hold one host.

This is, however, different from dealing with someone face to face. If they switch, we don't have the usual cues to deal with them accordingly (much like nearly nobody we know can deal with it with us), and this actually bothers us. We want the cue so we can deal with them accordingly, and want a method to deal with the change-ups so we can interact with people appropriately.

Mark

The other problem, and one harder to admit, is that at times Kit has doubts about himself and our identity compared to his identity. Where some people question their sanity, he's walking the other path, asking himself if we exist or not. Now, you would think that the answer would be clear - we talk with him, and each other, and come out to talk with others, so we must exist, right? Or, he would not hear us, we would not be out and interacting, and thus we do not exist.

Our encounters with others like us have been fleeting at best, and there is some apprehension that we will be shunned. Are we like them? Do we have the same conditions or patterns or anything of the sort? Samantha, I think, wants validation, but she is afraid of it. Kit worries that we're "all in his head" or something of the sort. Shawn finds it ironic that after tormenting Kit for months and living with him for years, that he's now questioning his insanity. *snerk*

I don't think we need validation, but it may help us to learn more about ourselves if we actually go there some time. It is on a Sunday, and we have difficulty getting there, but it may be for the best if we do find out how to go there. Or, alternatively, to invite people to our place in the future, once the house is cleaned up. You can not face your fears by running away from them.

Tarot

Samantha: Strange. We were just talking to ourselves a few days ago about the fact we can do tarot readings for people, but haven't in a long while. Kit had done one for his favourite author about a year or so ago, but we only seem to do this once every year or two. But tonight, on Second Life, someone spontaneously asked if I do tarot readings.

The answer is, yes, I can. All of us can do them, but we each have different strengths, and handle them in different ways. But, she really seemed to need a reading, and it seems we'd been subconscously been preparing to do one.. so I cracked open our cards, blew the dust off them metaphysically, and got to work.

I'd never seen so many major arcana drop like bombs all at once, ever. The Emperor, the Lovers, the Tower, the Hanged Man, the Devil, The Fool. The only thing untouched was her past, her future, and the answer she was looking for.

I read her cards, told her what I saw, and it threaded perfectly with her circumstances.. which doesn't surprise me, this is what we do, and what we're good at.

Of course, I paid the price.. Kit's got a better grounding for doing tarot work.. when I do it, it shreds.. it hurts, I get headaches, I feel weak, and I need a chance to recover. A reason why I don't do it.

Mark: We've often wondered where this kind of ability comes from. As Samantha explained to some friends who were over, Legion's built to be passive, not active, but there are some talents there. I just wonder where it comes from.

From the Inside

Mark

I'm not one to talk much, but since my sister's decided I should actually make a proper journal entry, I'll make one here for the sake of peace. My name is Mark, having borrowed Kit's middle name and taken it for my own. Apparently, mother had been undecided on 'Christopher' or 'Mark' being his name, and decided Mark would make a good middle name. So there you have it.

I'm Kit's more serious half. I tend to look at things from a darker point of view. Perhaps I'm just more cynical, or who knows what, but I don't have the 'joy of life' thing that Kit does. A number of Legion has taken a back seat in the last couple of years, not being necessary for Kit's survival (and sanity), and I've taken up some of the slack given by Guardian in the last few years. He's still there, sort of as a second in case something serious happens, but he's handed most of it off to me now. I'm fine with that.

In a few ways, I'm Kit's enforcer. If there's things he's not capable of doing, he hands it off to me to do. This involves being the bad guy from time to time, when he knows he'll be too soft in a confrontation. I've been asked why I do this, and the answer is pretty simple. I don't care if people don't like me.

Honestly, I've got nothing to lose. I've a very few people that I can call friends, and even then I come as a distant second fiddle to people like Kit and Samantha. I'm not normally asked for, and I'm more of an afterthought than anything else, so really why should I care if people don't like me? Maybe in some ways, it is better to be hated than ignored.

I think that's enough. There's very little point to me going on in depth about myself, since there's not much to say. I'm here, I do what I need to do. My life sucks, but it is the only one I have, and I'm willing to accept that. Maybe my next spin on the wheel of karma will go better, maybe not. We'll see.

Happy Anniversary

Kit

Today is my eight anniversary. My wife and I were married June 30th, 2001, at the Experimental Farms, in a lovely field under a tree. It was a lovely day, and it seems like only a few years ago, not eight.

I met my wife on a bus, coming home from a friend's place, almost nineteen years ago. I met her August 31st, and I recognized her as the most important thing in the world when I saw her. Has it really been so long? It doesn't feel like it, the years pass entirely too quickly, I think.

Today, we may be going out to the nature trail. There's a very light drizzle coming down, so I don't know. Tonight, we're going out for Thai, which isn't normally my preferred choice for food, but I know Cat likes it, and I don't mind it so much if I find something which isn't too spicy. I think it will be nice.

Samantha

My first post here. I don't think I'm gonna get my own Blogger, like I did with LiveJournal.. this thing's called Legion of One for a reason. :> For today being 'that day', I'm not in a bad mood, which is kinda nice. As Kit said, he's been married now for eight years, which means it has been eight years since I've seen my boyfriend. He was invited to the wedding, and came up all the way from Colorado. It was.. sweet. I liked having him around, and it was nice just being close to him. Some day, soon, I hope he'll come up again.. Kit's getting a passport, which means in theory we'd be able to go down and see him in person.. but that's really expensive, and I dunno if we'd ever be able to afford it.

You know, I usually hate 'special days'. I kinda get pushed to the wayside when they happen. Birthdays, Christmas, and today.. these are all days which should be special to me too, but yeah, me and the rest of the gang are kinda 'second fiddle' when it comes to these things. But I guess I'll let things be today, and let Kit have his day without any fuss. Well, beyond what I'm talking about here. ;>

Mark

Just another day for me. And it seems I'm being pushed to say more by Samantha. There's a lot I can say, but I think it should be a separate post.

First Post (or 'why am I here?')

I just finished reading an article, talking about the rivalry between Facebook and Google. Being a fan of Google, I decided to see just what they have available for me to use. I mean, I use Google Chrome, and I've even got a Gmail account, but there's all these buttons at the top which I've more or less ignored.

So... I started wandering, and noticed that ... I've a Blogger account sitting here waiting for me. I've got Livejournal (with about a hundred people following me... what the hell?) but I had never done anything with Blogger. I've made a few posts in Facebook, but the only reason I do anything there is because 1) my company has a Facebook account, and 2) I've been playing a Legend of the Five Rings game there. My committment to Facebook is... eh. I could take it or leave it.

So, posting on LJ and on Blogger... why would I do that? Isn't it a bit... redundant? Yeah, I think it is. I'm trying to decide how I want to do this, and just how much to put here, versus there. LJ's a little more convenient (what with this nice program in my taskbar which allows me to post at-whim), but if I use Blogger, it is consolidated with everything else I've got with Google, and would make me a little more organized. I think.

A tough question. We'll see how this works out, I guess. Hmm, you know, I like that little 'autosave' thing that this has, I've noticed the 'save now' button flash from time to time to make sure I do't lose anything.

Nifty.